to love or to be loved?

hey -

is it more important to love or to be loved?

Being loved is great. You feel valued. You feel important. You feel cared for. But when you’re deprived of that feeling, it hurts. It hurts so much. You can actually feel the pain in your chest. Makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you or you’re not worthy of such.

I’ve been disrespected, disappointed, misunderstood, belittled. I’ve made poor decisions and mistakes that continue to haunt me to this day. So many things have made me feel so unloved to the point where I’ve felt unlovable.

But the difference between loving and being loved is control.

You can’t control being loved, assuming that the source of said love is external. You have to depend on external stimuli to provide this love to you. It’s not always reliable, it’s not always genuine. It’s one of those things where uncertainty and lack of can destroy oneself.

Bear with me here, there’s a silver lining I promise.

One thing you can control is the love you give.

You can control how much you can love, nobody else.

It’s a feeling that everybody (even you) needs every now and then, so don’t hold back.

Even if it was for the wrong person, don’t ever regret loving to the extent in which you have.

it proves to you that you have the capacity to love honestly and to the absolute fullest. it’s one of the most beautiful realizations we could have about ourselves.

And (here’s the silver lining) you can be loved by giving yourself the love you deserve.

how? have more respect for yourself, have some self compassion. take your time. do the things that make you happy. love……..loving.

this is what people mean when they say “love yourself before you love others” because you’re still a human being with feelings, in case you forgot.

so I’ll say this: without the ability to love, you’ll never have the reliability of being loved. If you’ve made it this far, it’s clear what the answer is.

no matter how many mistakes you make, no matter how badly you’ve been treated. you deserve to be okay. you deserve to be loved.

see you then.

• Ethan