we're still young

hey -

it’s been two months. it took some time to me to realize this.

now i’m brave enough to admit that she took a part of me with her when she left, and i don’t know how to get it back.

the words ‘mental exhaustion’ barely scratch the surface.

we were happy. she made me happy. things were great, until it wasn’t.

i spent some time with a couple of friends the other night and it helped give me perspective on life in general: we’re still so young.

i’m only in my second year of college and, frankly, i’m not mentally well. things aren’t good. things haven’t been good for a while.

if you’re in the same boat as me, that’s great. great in the sense that, you’re not alone. i’m not alone. we’re not alone.

at the end of the day, our lives are just getting started.

we’re too young to be this sad and tired, but the fact that we’re still in our youth means that there’s still so much life to have.

this breakup made me feel like my life had just ended. and, in a way, i think it did. it broke me. i lost myself. i don’t know who i am anymore, and that’s okay.

it’s okay because it has to be okay. because what if it wasn’t, right?

obviously there are many underlying factors that contribute to the fallout, and it’s one of those things that you just can’t shake overnight.

it’s only been two months, yet this period of my life has felt like an eternity.

but, there’s still life to live. i’ve lived without her before, i can do it again.

so, don’t give up. please don’t give up.

despite this grim period of my life, i’ve been able to find some peace and happiness in all of it, and those are the moments i treasure most, even if they don’t last for long.

find the beauty in everything. find the silver lining in everything.

i say all of these words of encouragement in these entries even if they aren’t helping me at this very moment, because i know at one point it did.

and i believe that if it can help me, it can help someone else too.

so take the words i say with a grain of salt. i’m still learning, and i’m trying to find my footing.

i write these things because i want to help you, in some way, shape, or form. and maybe a small part of me wants to help myself through these entries.

and the biggest thing i’ve learned about myself throughout this journey is:

it’s so nice to be heard and seen. heard and understood. sometimes that need isn’t always met, and it’s painful. it changes you.

but after all that’s said and done, we have to keep moving forward and find ways to get out of these ruts. whatever ways those are, so long as they keep us afloat, things are going to be okay, so long as we continue to get out of bed every day.

if we don’t save ourselves, who will?

see you then.

• Ethan